Reverend says in email: Mock god and he kills you.
You’ve been there too. A few days ago I got an email that was a perfect example of mastery of Extreme Evangelization Dumbness (EED). It even forced me to write this article. I cannot believe I put that much time and effort into something I shouldn’t have read in the first place. This violates my working ethics and the best use of my time and lots of other things. That’s the rationale, my intuition says “Shut up, write.” So here we go.
What is EED?
It’s something following this line of thought: “I didn’t understand anything, watched too many really bad movies, added lots of BS and fear, mixed it up, disguised it as cleverness, tied it to a higher purpose and sent it to all my email contacts with the urge to pass it on in order to get a miracle.”
The original source of Dumbness
No, I won’t enclose the original text. It would insult your intelligence. In brief it goes like this: The title is: PRE-MATURE DEATH and the author is a Reverend “Soandso”, Senior Pastor. The screaming headline should have made me hit Delete, but the person sending the email recently lost wife and kid so I opened it.
It is written in the Bible (Galatians 6:7):
‘Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sow,that shall he also reap.
This hooked me, for I was plain curious whether the author would have been able to decode the real meaning of that statement. No, he was not.
The Scientific Deduction of Dumbness
First the author cited “facts” from memory or fantasy:
[There are famous and everyday people who denied or mocked or in any way pissed of god by use of language.]
Second he observes the consequences:
[They died shortly thereafter in murder, accidents or fatal illness.]
Third he deduces that pissing of god, leads to premature death. What follows is the praise of Jesus, a prayer, and the use of guilt to get you to forward the thing to at least 8 friends in order to have a miracle happen to you the next day. Hey, you know the big boy is quick. Order today and get overnight delivery. At least that’s what Amazon is able to do, so god should be able to do it too.
What he really says
Well, if god took off all those who gave him the birdie, he would stand the requirements to be called a lunatic mass-murderer. He would have to spend the rest of eternity in jail. Pardon me, I did get that last one wrong. In fact he had to kill himself for mocking the genesis and his creation and therefore himself.
The good news
The author should be dead by now. He accused god of mass-murder and if his theory is valid, someone eliminated him shortly after he hit the send button. Unfortunately all those who forwarded the email, should be dead also for spreading the news.
As a lot of people qualifying for termination-in the sense of the above-do still live, it follows that god is not a killer, at least not a very consequent one. Perhaps he’s really into the love thing (I had to write this, just in case ;-).
Do the following
- Think until your brain hurts (this is only at the beginning, with some training it does it by itself).
- Never forward BS because you might get a miracle. You are a spammer if you do and people won’t read you future messages.
- Use the time you would spend reading and forwarding bullshit to create a miracle by yourself. You guess it, it takes effort called work.
- Never use a subject in all upper-case characters.
- Take 100% responsibility for you life. God doesn’t care what you do, you are responsible for yourself and for your actions. Whether there will be a final examination is to be found out when the time comes. Until then only Nobody, Not Anybody, and No One know the answer. No matter how many take a guess. Only your actions determine how you will be remembered and how long for. That’s a good measure.
My personal decision
I delete EED crap rigorously.
Get lots done
PS: Whenever you get such trash you can now answer the sender with a link to this site. Just write:
Thanks for the astounding email, this really helped me. I already had a miracle happen to me, please read here: http://wp.me/pBSQo-5E
The wp.me link leads to this page you’re looking at.
PPS: Excuse me if I hurt your feelings. I forgive the author and the forwarder. Thanks that Email exists. Let’s work together.